How Communication can Save Your Relationship

    Have you ever wondered why your default actions are so similar to your parents'? This week in class we discussed the different theories associated with the family that will give us insight into the answer to this question. These theories include systems theory, symbolic interaction, exchange theory, and conflict theory. Theories are ways to better understand the dynamic of the family.

    The first way to better understand the family is the systems theory. This theory deals with the concept of wholeness. A family is made up of multiple different systems and subsystems. Some of these include the relationship between a brother and a sister. Another example would be a mother and father. A mother and father often work together to provide the necessities of life for their children: food, shelter, and compassion.

    It is interesting to observe subsystems within families and how they affect the family. I grew up in a large family with a mother, father, and five siblings. The three youngest children typically played together and fought the most. The oldest siblings did the same. There was also a relationship between my oldest sister and me that was similar to a mother-daughter relationship due to the age difference. If one family member is taken out of the picture, the family system and roles of each family member can completely change. This is more obvious when a parent passes away or moves out of the house due to divorce. The members of our family truly have an influence not only on the family dynamic but also on each person within the family.

    This leads us to our next theory: symbolic interaction. This is how people are influenced and molded by their experiences and interactions with others. On the nature versus nurture scale, this theory is deep into the nurture side of the debate. When looking at children within a family, think of them as clay. What they see, hear, touch, and taste are like tools that sculpt them into the pottery that they become when they are an adult. Of course, raising a child is not as simple as that.

    Symbolic interaction is all about the meaning that people put to symbols and how that influences their interactions with and interpretations of others. For example, a kiss holds a different meaning for different people. Some see a kiss as a way to say goodnight to your date whom you hardly know. Others see it as a way to say that they want to be in a serious relationship with someone. These views and perspectives like this should be shared to avoid contention.

    Some people may believe that contention is the same as conflict, but they are separate from each other. The conflict theory is about how people are constantly in a state of unavoidable conflict. There will always be an angel and a devil on your shoulders. Conflict is not harmful to a relationship. Many people avoid contention, but avoiding it is not the answer. Instead, we should communicate our expectations and meanings of different symbols to our significant other. One person may see their husband as an unloving person when they drive from a party without saying a word to their wife. The husband may see this silence as a way to recharge his batteries from a very socially and emotionally draining social event. Communicating this does not avoid conflict, but it avoids contention and hurt feelings.

    The last theory is the exchange theory. This one is quite simple but can be difficult to effectively apply to a relationship. It is the idea that when people give, there must be something given back to them. This may seem greedy, but it is necessary. Imagine that you have a significant other that gives no effort into the relationship. They don't even look at the other person in the relationship. If they truly continue to give absolutely nothing to their significant other, the relationship will likely crumble. The give and take of any given relationship will likely never be fifty-fifty. Again, the key here is communication. Tell your partner what you expect from them and ask what you can do for them. To improve your communication skills go to this link.