Why Hanging out is Ruining your Relationships

The question "Want to hang out sometime?" from a guy is all too familiar to me. I never wanted someone to ask me to hang out with them. I wanted them to ask me on a date. This shows that the man is genuinely interested in getting to know me, not my roommates. This date should be planned, paid for, and paired off. I went on a date with one of my good friends. We made it a double date by setting up some of our best friends with each other. An outsider may think that I am on a date with my best friend (let's call her Jenna), and he was on a date with his best friend (let's call him Nate). Jenna and I even got the door for each other because our dates never did. While it was very enjoyable, it did not seem like a date. I hardly talked to the guy, but I spent plenty of time talking to Jenna.

The purpose of a date is to get to know who you asked out or who asked you out. This is why you should not simply just hang out with someone you want to get to know. It will often be with other people. If he is invited to your apartment, you might feel that you are competing against the girls for his attention. Pair off with him on a date that facilitates high-quality conversations. You could go to a local sweets shop to get some ice cream. Go on a walk through a park. Try to limit watching movies together. It is an unspoken rule that you do not talk during a movie. When you do not talk, you do not get to know someone.

Speaking of getting to know someone, that comes first in a potential relationship. It comes well before physical touch. Dr. John Van Epp has created a relationship attachment model (R.A.M.) so that we do not "fall in love with a jerk". While dating, we need to know our date more than we trust them, trust them more than we rely on them, rely on them more than we commit to them, and commit to them more than we touch them. Often this model is backwards in developing relationships. People are typically making out with a person that they hardly know, but they sure do trust them a lot. At least they trust them enough to be alone in a dark place with them. This is how not to get murdered 101. If you hardly know somebody, do not go down a dark hallway with them even if it is just to make out a little.

Making out on the first or second date will lead to trouble. When we are physically affectionate with someone, fireworks will fly with a guy that treats you like the trash that he believes you are. You feel connected with this person and feel that you could be in a serious relationship with them, but you skipped too many steps. When these steps (know, trust, and rely on) are skipped, you find yourself in a relationship that "somehow" is now ending horribly. You feel that you really didn't know this person at all because you were too busy swapping spit with the guy.

Before we officially get into a relationship, make sure that this is the person that you could and want to spend eternity with. Never begin a relationship that you don't intend on keeping alive. Simultaneously, be on the lookout for red flags even after you guys are official. This allows you to avoid heartache and abuse.